Have you found the new investment climate a bit on the chilly side? Nervous about stocks, bonds and mutual funds? Afraid of risky investments in Euclidean space? Then real estate in hyperbolic space is for you. We will discuss the enormous potential of this new investment opportunity and describe the many fascinating properties of hyperbolic space that make it such an attractive place to live. This is the financial equivalent of the 1980's junk bond. Don't miss it. Bring your checkbook and credit references! No previous math or real estate background assumed! Recommended for students and faculty alike! Roger Ebert says, "Two fingers up!"